Just four days ago the mighty Internet screamed at us “BACON CAUSES CANCER.” Actually, the report was about red and processed meat, but every news story written about this subject had a big picture of bacon attached to it. (What can I say? I’m so on trend.)
Was it sheer coincidence, my rebel without a cause tendencies, or both that contributed to our family eating red meat not once, but twice in the past four days? Beef Stew on Tuesday and Butter Noodles with Beef on Wednesday – both were dee-licious! The fact that we hadn’t cooked red meat in our house for the past six months, was a little ironic.
Initially, my kids were worked up about the dinner offerings this past week – which allowed us to have a great discussion about hype, and media coverage, and ratings grabbing behavior, and how to read studies with a critical eye that looks beyond the headlines.
These are also great things to remember as new parents. There will almost always be something that you should or should not be doing at any time for fear of really screwing up your children. Sometimes these things flip flop and end up in direct opposition to one another. So it behooves you to read headlines not as gospel truth but as an article to read yourself and determine if a) it’s sound scientific and evidence-based information b) it builds on the studies that have come before and is adding to mounting evidence for or against something c) it’s statistically significant and the risk of doing this behavior or avoiding that behavior will make a real difference in your quality of health or life.
I’m not going to list out specific parenting decisions here. Why? Because, I’ve got my own way of parenting. And the parenting decisions I make are likely influenced by a lot of different things: my family of origin, my friend circle, the books I’ve chosen to read, or the pediatrician that my children see.
If I were to state my opinion about “Parenting Issue A” one of two things might result: 1) someone reads it but they parent exactly the opposite of me and feel the need to argue about it or 2) someone reads it and feels like I’ve just endorsed something as the “right” way to parent their child. That’s a little too much responsibility, for me. And quite frankly, it doesn’t place enough responsibility on you as new parents. That sounds harsh and I’m sorry if you’re picking up on that tone, but it needs to be said.
I want you to parent your child the way you feel is right for your family. It doesn’t have to look at all like how I did it, or your siblings did it, or how your own parents did it. And while it makes sense to pay attention to what studies say about “best practices” and parenting, those best practices might not work for you and your family.
An example that comes to mind is how we chose to let our babies stay up with us until we went to bed (after the craziness of that initial 4th trimester had settled down, mind you). My husband wanted to be able to see and hold his baby after he got home from work. My first ate every two hours around the clock until she was eight months old. It didn’t make sense to us that we’d put her down in a crib upstairs while we hung out together watching TV in the basement, only to have to get up with her every couple of hours. So, we just kept her with us the whole time. I would feed her, then my husband would snuggle her until she fell asleep on his chest or in his arms and he’d keep her there until she wanted to eat again. When we were all ready to go to sleep (we’re night owls in this house!) we’d go up to bed together.
I can assure you that this will never be listed in any book or study about being a “best practice” on how to get your baby to sleep at night. I can also tell you that there are lots of people who will read this and think that we were completely crazy! But, still, it was a practice that we repeated with each of our four children and it worked beautifully for us as a family.
I’m not looking for validation or vilification for making this choice in how we parented our babies around the issue of sleep. I’m just sharing with you how we came up with a solution that was right and worked for our family. I want you to consider what’s working for your family along with all the scientific evidence and best practices out there and remember that almost everything extreme is not good for you. There is such a thing as drinking too much red wine, or eating too much dark chocolate, or – yes, it’s true – scarfing down too much bacon. But there’s also such a thing as using your common sense and realizing that moderation is key. Try to keep this in mind even as headlines are using extreme tactics to gain your attention.
Finding out what works for your family, those unique parenting decisions that you make that are “just right” for you, boosts your new parent confidence level in a way nothing else can. Not even bacon.
Have you come up with any parenting decisions that sit outside the “norm” or hide in the shadows of the headline grabbing new trend? How confident do you feel about making some of your own decisions about the best way to parent you child?